The Girl Seeking Help

Every time I log into my Facebook account, I feel so curious to read and know about the latest, ranging from the comments posted in response to my pieces to the private messages sent to me. There is only one thing I strongly dislike to read. The latter is a private message from a girl seeking help with English. I can not even stand responding to this kind of messages, for when I do, I say the wrong thing. Normally, this kind of messages roughly goes thus:

" Dear brother,
I know that you're a teacher of English. Please, can you write me an essay about clandestine emigration," a girl sends me.

The conversation between these girls and me usually goes like this:

"Me: Who are you in the first place? I can't help someone I don't know.
She: No need to know who I am; do it for Allah's sake.
Me: Do you have a boyfriend?
She: Respect yourself; this is none of your business.
Me: I am sorry I need the answers to these questions so that I can help you.
She: Yes, I do. So what?
Me: Nothing!
She: Tell me! Are you going to help me. Yes or No?
Me: Yes, I will help you on condition you help me answer the questions I have in mind. Okay? Do you know me?
She: Yes, I do. I know your sister very well. She has told me you're so kind and helpful.
Me: Do you love your boyfriend?
She: Yes, so much! This is so personal.
Me: Why don't you ask him to help since you deeply love him?
She: He is not good at English!
Me: So he is good at what, then?
She: Stop it, please. Help me; I need to have the essay by Monday.
Me: As long as you know me, what do you think of having me as your lover?
She: I am sorry I have already fallen in love. Plus, I respect you so much, for I heard that you're well-mannered.
Me: Which one do you respect most: your lover or me?
She: you! For you're a teacher and you don't accompany girls.
Me: Which one do you love: me or your lover?
She: my lover! I can't live without him.
Me: Has he ever helped you with something?
She: never! plus, he left school at an early age.
Me: Why do you love him then?
She: He is handsome and romantic.
Me: Since you haven't got married yet, what do you think of my proposing to you?
She: I am sorry I treat as my brother. I can never get married to someone like my brother.
Me: What in me makes me a brother to you? And what in your lover makes him a lover to you?
She: Frankly, your readiness to help; as for my lover, his readiness to make romance.
Me: Okay, thanks a lot. Goodbye?
She: Wait! you promised to help me!
Me: I suggest you interview your lover instead about clandestine emigration because I am afraid that while I am brainstorming, and racking my brains, making a painful effort to come up with ideas to put down on paper, you will be having an enjoyable and romantic time with your lover."

Here, I end the conversation and block them. Dear readers, I am sorry for being 'hard'.